About all the crazy people I've come across in my long, long journey of customer service. All of you people that come out for a good time with your friends and lovers; be warned: those unassuming little minimum wage workers stuck behind the counter putting up with all your s***? We see things, we hear things--and then we post them on the internet for all the world to read.
(You know, I think I should start a spy camera news letter about my customers, and block out their eyes with little black bars like in mags--and then widely distribute them).
My journey has really only begun as I embark on a new level of customer service; alcohol. I now serve alcohol with those lattes. This, my friends, makes for far more interesting shifts than those of a mere coffee slinger. In case you're all dying to know where I'm working so you can come get drunk and show up on my blog, I just can't say publicly, in case it gets me fired someday. But let's just say it's a little 'wine bar' next to Infamous Jen's house.
I mean, I've got volumes of interesting service stories. But because I work too many jobs now and it's late, I'm only going to share a brief piece with you tonight.
Now, I'm sure, to bartenders across the world, this excitement may be nothing new. But I am public groping virgin myself (save for that stranger spanking incident a few posts down). Today around 5pm a couple enters the bar. (Well, maybe I should clarify bar. Its a fancy little cafe and wine bar catering to the upper middle class of my town--not a forum for screaming children, Harley's, or anything much less than Prada--and certainly not nudity). They order a cheese plate, and a bottle of wine, and begin to casually chat over said investments of extended intimacy. Around 6pm, they order another bottle of wine--yes, just the 2 of them. After this consummation begins the exaggerated, open, inviting body language, which makes way for a bit of kissing across the table. Ewww.
Tiptoeing and prancing gleefully up to the bar as though skipping through a field of flowers, the 40 something woman giggles childishly and requests a third bottle of wine. I hesitate, and pass her off to my 'trainer'--the experienced wine girl.
"Sure" And off we go to serve them. At this time they had foregone the table for the cozy couch by the fire--though I observed they were a bit more 'cozy' even than that setting. As they were practically on top of each other, we winced as we popped open the bottle.
And then it started. The kissing, the making out, the HEAVY PETTING (you know, the kind they warn about in tacky Christian books for adolescents?). Simultaneously our disgust set in. We were horrified, and unsure of what too do! As we discussed what to do about this public display of soft-core Cinemax porn, we noticed the man's buttoned shirt coming undone and the stroking of the hairy chest.
At this point, both of us lost any bravery we had for approach or chastising. I mean, who wants to walk up to a hairy chested drunk man and say "can you make your lady friend stop stroking your nipples?" Yuck!!!!
By closing they had both disappeared into the bathroom together, this time also to the disgust of the last couple in the bar. We laughed and puked and we talked about what to do next, until the lady (after about 5 minutes) came skipping out of the bathroom giggling.
Yay for brave customers! The non PDA couple in the bar began to make fun of them loudly and boldly, telling them that they worked for the R***** Inquirer, and were turning them in for a story about public groping, and they needed more details such as how long they'd know each other. "Barely 2 weeks!" offered the woman boisterously "Well, we've known each other for a long time, but haven't hooked up since now! Were practically going to get married soon, I think!" The man, who had obviously planned for her drunkenness to work in his favor did not like her sharing it (or their intimate details--do you smell affair?). Butttt he soon got over it when the woman grabbed him and starting sticking her tongue all over him again, while in conversation with brave non PDA customers.
Now I know why bar time is set so early. Thank goodness for those 1/2 hour ahead clocks.
