Where is Chris?

Where is Chris? Is he ever coming home? Is he still in New York, kidnapped by thugs, tied up in cable, and thrown in a basement in Buffalo? Or perhaps he's livin' it up at his buddy's mansion in Colorado, where his giant pimp old lady ride is parked? Is he that guy wearing the 1o gallon hat in Texas? Or did he just get stuck in Kansas forever, but is telling us he's coming home because he's too embarrassed to admit he's moved to Kansas for good? Or maybe he is on his way, breakin' the law driving at speeds well over 100mph. Or perhaps he's already HOME, and hasn't called me yet, or come to get coffee! Or, maybe he's just lost for-ev-er.