Look on

That was a long and rambling post. So to make up for it, here's a short and sweet one, directing you toward a master of word. I'm sure he does not ramble. It's a fun site. See if you can find all the hidden homepage fun....here.

Two time high school drop-out post high school drops out of college; soon to be re-admitted post drop-out

In my favorite word borrowed from Infamous Jen's husband, "Woot."

I've made it into college, again! Thanks to all of my dear friends, ahem, professional colleagues, who labored to help me get in by writing lovely recommendations! I've not only been accepted, but received a scholarship as well for my "outstanding academic and community achievements".

My first reaction was to jump around in excitement. But my second reaction was to shrug it off, dismissing it as something that happens in thousands of silly 18-year-olds lives everyday, and I better have gotten in or I'd be dumber than a high school kid. I rounded it off further by attributing the quick decision for admission surely to the lack of competition. How many other 26 year olds were applying for a transfer to this private school? I must be the only one, and they had a quota to fill, so it was a quick decision. Plus, even if they didn't, and I was denied, I didn't really try that hard anyway. I procrastinated. (Can you guess why?)

But, as I'm learning from another self-competitive friend, this is a reaction to be chastised. So instead of saying all that, I'm going to remember that I did work incredibly hard to get in, and I was actually admitted, with a scholarship to boot, so...hooray! I accomplished something difficult that I set out to do, and I'm excited. Not bad for someone who, over the span of 10 years, has managed a quadruple major in 'drop-out'.

People often find my multiple drop-out status surprising once they know me. I was never much one for school. Not that I wasn't good at it, in fact I usually received very high grades (except in the dreaded math, but more on that another day.) It was more the conceptual idea of school that I didn't like. I thought that putting a bunch of kids of the same age together in tiny rooms during early mornings or hot afternoons, blabbing boring repetitions at them from aging school teachers of a past generation, and then basing their entire worth on the ability to recall every detail in a single slot of 50 minutes with a number 2 pencil, was, in fact, absolutely ridiculous.

I was sure there was better ways to learn. Ways that took into account each individuals learning style, talents, and progression. Just because someone isn't excellent in testing skills does not make them an idiot. I knew plenty of brilliant D average students.

And I was definitely sure there were better ways to learn than in an environment that resembled daily gang warfare. I thought kids were stupid, and cliques were stupid. I thought the constant degradation of peers was stupid. And I thought the adults who put us all into this situation purposely were stupid. Especially because they were so shocked that such a system could create drop-outs and dangerous, traumatizing, social dynamics.

And really, what 16 year old isn't smarter than everyone else?


WARNING: EXTREME DIGRESSION IN NEXT SECTION

The day that solidified my position on school-hate came when some tall, beefy, Hawaiin guy named Mark, who happened to be, of course, one of the "most popular kids in school", did something I found incredibly juvenile. Not that this was the first time I'd seen something juvenile happen at school, but I decided to make sure it was the last.

Mark was, of course, some fabulous football captain. I thought people that could hit other people hard and then go shopping at the mall for new Abercrombie wear in a single day did not deserve some kingly status. So I didn't like him (that, and I was soooo punk rock). But there he was, walking around being a jerk, being popular. He was mean to everyone, and frequently tormented me because I dressed differently (dude, thrift store cardigans seriously are cool--haven't you ever seen a Nirvana video??).

This day, however, he had picked other sources of entertainment. We were in the same photography class (But I was in it because I'm an artist--he was just looking for an easy A---soooooo passe). We had a "field trip around campus to take pictures" day (otherwise known as lazy teacher wanted to go smoke weed in his car or go home for a long lunch). Mark decided it was hilarious to go around trying to snap shots of girls asses as they walked by. Most notably the ones that nobody really wanted a picture of. Him and his buddies giggled a lot at the humiliation of lesser attractive girls while high-fiving each other at their genius.

During this time, some teacher poked his head out of class to see what the ruckus was about. But seeing the "football boys", he sort of just laughed and waved his hand, gave a slight admonission so nobody could say he didn't, then went back to his business.

This was the day I left school early to tell my parents I was dropping out. This was the most ridiculous display of behavior I had ever seen. And it wasn't the first time.

It's not because I hate football (well...maybe), or thought I was too cool (hmm...wait), but simply because there was a system designed here that specifically encouraged this behavior over actual learning.

DIGRESSION SOMEWHAT OVER

I know I had a lot more to learn about human/sin nature, but I still feel pretty firm that the present day public school system is silly. I'm not one of those "pull your kids out and boycott the school" people, as that doesn't help improve what we've got, but I'm still not sure why were so obsessed with this failing model.

So, I dropped out after my sophomore year of high school. When I explained my feelings and theories to my parents about why I needed to quit, they were actually supportive of this decision (rad!), which was somewhat surprising to me. So they gave me the stamp of approval.

I spent this year designing a new system of schooling. I bought my own learning materials, and began schooling myself. Pretty fancy ideals, and slightly impressive! But, being 16 got the better of me, and I spent more time doing 16 year old stuff (social social!) than actually working on my "better world" project. And I decided it wasn't quite as glamorous to be home with your parents everyday, and I missed all that social crap I swore I hated. I missed my friends.

Yep, I went back. This time in another city. I made a bunch of great friends. I also found a boyfriend (sooooo punk rock). My parents were definitely not fond of these new friends, or the boyfriend. Maybe because they don't want to Save the Queen. Anyhow, there is a big long story to it (for telling in another life), but they decided they would strongly encourage me to drop out again. Just shy of graduating. Ooh, is that ever a complicated story. But suffice to say, I'm an A-average double time high school drop-out!

I prefer to refer to it as a G.E.D. winner! And oh the stories I could tell about my GED graduation. Ah, things close to my heart, Pandora's Box. anther time.

So even though I never made it through high school, and then went to 3 different colleges 'finding myself' or something, I've finally made it back after quite some time away! Hooray for sticking to goals! Hooray for getting accepted! Hooray for re-enslaving myself to The Man, and The System! I can't tell you how excited I am. Really!

Blog? What's that?

I know, I keep making promises to write and then rather slacking off. This has kind of taken a back seat to life lately, as these things seem to eventually go. It's been a busy month.

But I thought, really, to write short boring ones, it doesn't take much, so I'm going to try to update short thoughts. For myself, I suppose.

My two recommendations of the day:

I think I may have already mentioned this a bit back, but I'm listening to it right now, and remembering the sheer awesomeness that is Ghostland Observatory. Most super live performance ever. Think sassy soul singer trapped in the body of a native, and the band of rock. So if you ever get a chance to see them, do. I believe they are playing at Sasquatch, Seattlites.

Recommendation 2: Smoke Signals, by Sherman Alexie.

But it's not quite as good, unless you've seen Ghostland Observatory. So watch, and then go listen. This will bring you awesome super sparkle points, and you'll be glad you did.

And this is why the movie and the band together equal awesome.

blogging

So, this new week of blogging only means 1 thing. I've cleaned up and organized my disastrous desk so that I can easily fit my computer there. If you go back and look through post times, you will see a distinct pattern. By this time pattern you can track how often I clean. There are times when I write consistently for a month or so, and then I stop for 2. This designates a few weeks of me managing to keep my desk spaces tidy, and then how long I ignored its growing, mountainous disaster. Along with my unpaid bills, unopened mail.... Naughty. Tisk. But hey, it totally fits my profile.

Oh those darn personality tests again...

I know, I know. Most of you, who aren't INFJ, are totally sick of all the talk about this. But I ran across it in conversation with a friend today, and was browsing around about the types again. I guess I find it interesting because of how peculiarly accurate it is, and I'm wondrously amazed each time I read it again. I think it also interests me because it makes me feel less crazy. My friend who recently took the test said she cried when she first read her type because she realized this is who she is, no matter how many people frown upon certain traits of hers. She realized she was not a failure, but that there were many others like her.

Anyhow, I'm sure I'm getting a bit grand here, but I thought I'd share. This is from the meyers briggs test. A bit long, but if you're cruising around blogs killing time, might as well read. And take it yourselves, if you've the time. It's quite amusing. And eerily accurate. Does that mean I've been put in a box?

As an INFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.

INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.

INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.

INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.

But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.

Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals.

INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring.

In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. INFJs can also be found in service-oriented professions. They are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture. An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.

The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.

Possible Career Paths for the INFJ:

Clergy / Religious Work
Teachers
Writers
Medical Doctors / Dentists
Alternative Health Care Practitioners, i.e. Chiropractor, Reflexologist
Psychologists
Psychiatrists
Counselors and Social Workers
Musicians and Artists
Photographers
Child Care / Early Childhood Development



What's interesting is, these have all been my main career choices, and I have at some point and in some way tried to persue each of them.

It's my birthday today....

It's that time of year again. I haven't posted recently, I know. It's been a busy month. But, look forward soon to many exciting....video posts! I got a video camera for the big b-day, so that instead or merely documenting interesting images in my life via photograph, I can capture
Every, Single, Moment,
of my entire life, and force you to share it with me.
And you thought the photos were enough.

As birthdays go, it's been a good one, though I'm starting to feel the age thing a little heavier every year. But a friend pointed out today that it's not so much that I've rounded the curve and begun hurdling headlong toward 30, but that I am still in the middle third of my twenties, officially "Mid-Twenties". I think I like that better. It's more glass half-full kind of thinking. I'm still not sure I'm yet thankful for it, but they tell me that one day soon I'll be more appreciative that every time I go out, even occasionally at the movie theater, I get carded. When I show them my old lady i.d., they usually roll it around for a good couple of minutes with the suspicion that it's a fake. Hooray for youthful appearance, I think...

Alright, as I'm officially no longer in my early twenties, I need to hurry off to bed to get a full nights sleep! Happy birthday to me!